Nets-Mavs Running Diary: Im-Perfection

9-73. 121-63. Darko Milicic. These are some of the most ignominious things in NBA history, abject failures (or in Darko's case, abject compared to his peers).

Tonight, it's time to add another item to that list... that's right, it's 0-18! I was so excited about the impending imperfection, I got my moldy bread and stale beer and sat down for a good old-fashioned historically bad time.

7:45. Good evening, folks! It's a historic night for the Nets, who are poised to lose their 18th in a row. Only a colossal -- COLOSSAL -- upset of the Dallas Mavericks will keep the Nets from unwanted NBA history.

Before we go any further, allow me to sift through the bog that is New Jersey's head coaching situation. For tonight, interim coach Tom Barrise is still running the team. Barrise replaced longtime coach Lawrence Frank, who was fired after overseeing an 0-16 start. The Nets have announced general manager Kiki Vandeweghe will coach the team going forward, likely beginning with Friday's game against the Bobcats.

A couple pregame "lines" to ponder:

Over/Under Dirk Nowitzki points: 35.5
First-quarter spread: Mavs (-6)
Over/Under defensive breakdowns for the Nets: 30
Over/Under of "We want Kiki" chants: 0
Kidd "Wow!" plays v Devin Harris "Wow!" plays: Kidd (-5)

Oh, and I'd make the Nets a 5-2 underdog right now.

7:42. And the Nets take a 2-0 lead! That's the spirit, fellas.

7:44. 5-2 Mavs. That was quick. Only the Nets can make 36-year old Jason Kidd look like 28-year old Jason Kidd.

7:45. Nifty three-point play from Brook Lopez. This guy is very slippery inside and had the strength to go through Erick Dampier.

7:49. Great over-the-top pass in transition from Kidd. This guy may be five years past his prime, and he may have no defensive skills, and he may be three steps slow... wait, what was I saying?

7:51. "There's no doubt Lawrence Frank will resurface in the basketball community." Also, I think there's a position open for him on the 2008 Detroit Lions.

(Hey-yo! But seriously, folks, 0-16 is really bad.)

7:53. 19-11 Mavs. That's two monster slams from Rodrigue Beaubois, who's listed generously at 6-2. I'm astonished. It's like a French Spud Webb.

7:57. 19-19. Lopez and Douglas-Roberts, who have 11 of the Nets' 19 points, are CARRYING this team back into the game. That's a first- and second-year player. So at least the future is looking up.

7:59. Just showed a Vandeweghe graphic. Is it just me, or is anyone else not sold on this guy? I don't know if it's the flimsy resume or the fact that he scapegoated Frank for a team he put together.

8:02. Current not-talked-about-much-lately-but-absolutely crucial-to-his-team NBA player? Jason Terry. He's a jolt of energy off the bench every single game, like Tayshaun Prince was for the old-school (as in good) Pistons.

8:04. Announcers got one right. Terrence Williams really should be considered for the slam dunk contest.

8:06. 28-28 after the first quarter. The Nets shot 10-19 from the field and 7-7 percent from the foul line. They scored a season-high 28 first quarter points. And yet they're only tied, possibly because the Mavs are shooting a sizzling 71 percent from the floor. If New Jersey get keep the offense up, Dallas should eventually cool down.

8:09. Harris takes a tumble. That's all they need, for him to get hurt again. The only legit guy over 23 on the team.

8:11. Airball from Sean Williams. That ball missed the rim by three feet. Williams is too quick to commit to his shot.

8:14. 39-36 Dallas. Harris makes a nice drive and turnaround finger-roll, then throws a pass to no one on the next possession. Still a little rust, but his drives are a thing of beauty.

8:15. Winnable games in December for the Nets: Charlotte, Knicks, at Golden State, at Minnesota, at Knicks. Also, they're home for 17 straight days. Meadowlands, anyone?

8:17. Extra pass from Nowitzki leads to an open three from Tim Thomas. How good has Dirk been this year (27.2-8.5)? Really carrying the Mavs into the NBA's elite group.

8:20. 7-0 run from the Mavs pushes the lead to 48-39. Dangerous time for the Nets...

8:23. YES announcers, stop bemoaning the fact that Jason Kidd no longer plays for New Jersey. Put on a happy face -- er, voice.

8:24. Brook Lopez's greatest weakness: low post defense. Dampier is actually abusing him near the basket. Erick Dampier.

8:26. Did I mention the Mavs are shooting 75 percent from the field with 4:22 left in the second quarter? Yeah.

8:27. Nowitzki buries a triple. 59-44 Dallas. 20-8 run thanks to New Jersey's sloppiness on offense and astounding levels of futility on defense.

8:30. That's it right there. That's the Nets season. Dampier makes a lunging bank shot, then blocks Douglas-Roberts at the other end, then Nowitzki flips it behind his back to Terry for a trey. 66-46 Dallas.

8:31. I'm calling time of death, people. I will unequivocally say: The Nets are losing this game.

(I know, I know. Really going out on a limb there.)

8:34. Dallas just hit 70 points. Even Jason Kidd is nailing threes. It's actually unfair.

8:37. Do I hear 75 first-half points... YES! Terry's steal and layup gets us there.

8:37. Kidd ends the first half with a great bounce pass to Drew Gooden for a easy deuce. 77-50 Mavs at the half.

8:38. 77 points. Wow. Woooooooow.

8:39. My Dad's first-half analysis: "Well, the Nets are going down in style." True. Allowing 150+ points in a history-making loss would do that.

8:44. Here's some quick first-half offensive stats for Dallas:

77 points
80.6 field-goal percentage (29-36)
87.5 three-point percentage (7-8)
100 free throw percentage (12-12)
5 players in double figures
49 second-quarter points
Nowitzki/Terry/Dampier 15-17 combined from the field

Nets' deficit despite shooting 50 percent in the half: 27.

8:45. While I've a got a minute, a quick shout-out to Allen Iverson, who signed with the Philadelphia 76ers on Wednesday and is expected to be in the starting lineup as early as Monday. Philly's second to last in the league in attendance, and they'll pick up the "Iverson bump" the Knicks willingly passed on.

8:48. Speaking of the Knicks, they're losing 88-66 to the Magic as I write this. On the bright side, they're losing by five less than the Nets. You could almost say they're winning by five...

8:49. Bonus first-half stat: The Mavs shot 17-19 in the second quarter. That's 90 percent. That's hard in a scrimmage, much less a real-life NBA game.

8:53. Nowitzki hits a jumper. Kidd steals the ball from Harris. 81-50 Dallas. It really does look like men v boys out there.

8:55. Second time Harris has been fouled on a three-point shot. He made the first and made two of three FTs on the second. Nicely taking advantage of the aggressive Dallas D.

8:56. Mavs outrebounding Nets 19-7. Dampier never looked so young.

8:58. 9-0 run for NJ. Harris' steal/layup fires up the crowd -- a little.

9:03. 85-66 Nets. Dampier has eight boards; the whole Nets team has 10. Meanwhile, the Nets are tearing it up on offense, as Dallas appears to have let up a little.

9:06. Horrible basketball. Kidd gets the steal, passes it to Gooden in transition, and no one comes back to help Harris. Gooden lobs it to Kidd for an easy layup.

That's inexcusable. When you're 0-17 and have a chance to get back into the game, you don't jog. You don't stand idly by and wait for the play to end. Hell, you don't do those things when you're up 30. Vandeweghe has to get that malaise out of his team.

9:09. What's harder to defend, Nowitzki's teardrop fallaway or Carmelo Anthony's turnaround jumper? Both are virtually unstoppable.

9:12. Two threes for Courtney Lee. His minutes will go up exponentially if he can start nailing shots from downtown.

9:14. Sean Williams decides to hang from the rim while Nowitzki shoots a layup. Um, that's basket interference, Sean. Brings to mind your "disciplinary issues" at Boston College.

9:15. We get it. Nowitzki and Pat Garrity were traded for Robert "Tractor" Traylor. Nowitzki and Pat Garrity. It was a horrible trade. We get it. Time to talk about the game in front of you.

9:18. Dallas 103-76. Aaaand the Mavs have reached their season average in points with 1:30 left in the third quarter.

9:21. Two misses from inside two feet end another disappointing quarter for the Nets, who are right back where they started the half -- down 27. Went from 77-50 to 85-66 to 105-78. All that's left is to dot the Is, cross the Ts, and change the record book.

9:28. "Dallas is down to 64 percent shooting from the field." Well there's that.

9:35. 107-91 Mavs. The Nets have come back enough to force Mavs coach Rick Carlisle to put Kidd and Nowitzki back in. It's nice to see some fourth-quarter life. The Nets could've just packed it in, but they've come out firing.

9:38. Nowitzki strips Harris and hits Terry for a fast-break layup. Back to 109-91. That could be New Jersey's last gasp.

9:42. Dampier tips in another of his own misses. 113-91 Dallas.

9:43. At this point, the biggest question is whether Kidd will get two more rebounds for a triple-double. With Dallas up 18 and three minutes left, probably not. But it'd certainly be poetic symbolism of the Nets' long decade's journey into night.

9:46. BTW the Nets' next milestone is 23 -- the longest single-season losing streak in NBA history. That was the 95-96 Grizzlies and the 97-98 Nuggets. If New Jersey actually were to get to 0-24, it would be against the Hawks on Dec. 13.

Also, here's a little info on Del Harris, who will be working closely with Vandeweghe on the bench. Harris' wealth of experience will hopefully help the development of the younger players, particularly Douglas-Roberts and Lopez.

9:51. And that's all she wrote! As the boos rain down from the 10 Nets' fans left, New Jersey falls to Dallas, 117-101. And the Nets stand alone at 0-18.

So that's that. Dallas shot 59 percent and had six players with double-digit scoring. The Nets allowed 49 points in the second quarter, as a 39-36 game turned into a 77-50 rout at halftime.

For a historic loss, it wasn't particularly historic. It was just another dismal game for a dismal team in the midst of a dismal season.

(Historically dismal! Overwhelmingly overwhelmed! Ladies and gentlemen, it's your 2009 New Jersey Nets!!!)